Grieving is universally recognised across all cultures as the natural process of adjustment following the death of someone close to us. The length and intensity of grief can be affected by our relationship with the deceased and the circumstances surrounding the cause of death.
An individual can expect to feel any number of strong and powerful emotions during this period which correspond to the recognised stages of the grief process. Whatever the circumstances, grieving is a unique and personal experience and the speed in which individuals move through this process will vary from person to person. Grieving takes as long as it takes, there is no fixed time and it cannot be hurried.
Rituals have an important role in the grieving process and it’s worth noting that these practices will vary between different cultures and religions.
Grief triggers are events that remind the bereaved of their loved one or even the circumstances of their death. These could be anything from special dates in the calendar such as birthdays or anniversaries, it could be a special place, a smell, or a song heard on the radio whilst they are at work or sat in the car. The individual can be going about their life believing they are getting over their loss and then they suddenly and unexpectedly find themselves confronted with one of these situations which triggers an outpouring of difficult and strong emotions.
The anniversary of a death can be a particularly difficult time and an experience which some individuals begin to dread in the weeks leading up to the event. Some will prefer to let the day pass without acknowledgement, busying themselves in the routine of their normal daily activities like work, whilst others may choose to spend the day alone, and others may wish to commemorate the day by doing something special. However they choose to remember the anniversary or their loved one, making plans in advance of the date may be helpful to them.
What can a manager do to help?
Be sensitive to the employee’s situation or needs and don’t judge them.
Most of us can be unsure at times about what to say to people who are grieving, and it can be tricky knowing how to bring up your concerns without being perceived as intrusive but don’t let your own discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone.
If you know someone is experiencing difficulties why not ask them to let you know if there is anything you can do, this may help the individual feel more comfortable about approaching you for help.
If you are concerned that the anniversary of the loss is having a significant adverse effect on their health and wellbeing or on their work performance, encourage the person to seek professional help.
Don’t make assumptions based on outward appearance. The person may be at work and look fine but inside they may be in turmoil. Telling them how strong or well they look can put pressure on them to keep hiding their true feelings.
Don’t tell the individual its time they put their loss behind them, and to get on with their life. Avoid using directive statements like “you should” or “you ought” as these are unlikely to be helpful.
Listen and acknowledge what the employee says rather than claiming to know how that person is feeling.
