Many hours are spent at our place of work, therefore it is inevitable that friendships are forged with the people we work alongside. Loss affects us all differently, so when an individual takes their life by suicide the shock and impact it has on staff can differ from one person to the next.
Loss of life to suicide can leave us experiencing feelings of guilt, shame and sometimes wanting to blame. We may replay events in our heads, looking for clues as to how we could have prevented it. All of these experiences are a natural human response to a set of circumstances that are ‘abnormal’. Circumstances around the death and the formal process may feel challenging i.e. media coverage, or an inquest.
As a manager, whatever happens, it is natural to feel concerned. You may not find out what happened to the person, however, it is important to recognise that you have had a valuable role in assisting to prevent suicide -you will have done all you can.
If the danger of self-harm or suicide seems imminent, make sure the person is not left alone (which may mean keeping them on the phone if you are not physically with them). Make them aware of your duty of care which stipulates that you take an action to ensure safety for all and call 999 to alert the emergency services who are trained to deal with these situations and have the legal powers to intervene. You may need to inform the emergency services of the whereabouts of the person and their contact details.
Warning signs
Below are some examples of warning signs we can all watch out for.
Someone may talk about:
- Wanting to die
- Great guilt or shame
- Being a burden to others
Someone may express feelings such as:
- Feeling empty, hopeless, trapped or having no reason to live
- Feeling extremely sad, more anxious, agitated or full of rage
- Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain
You may notice a change in their behaviours such as:
- Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items or making a will
- Taking dangerous risks such as driving extremely fast
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Eating/sleeping more or less frequently
- Using drugs and alcohol more often
- Paying less attention to their personal appearance and personal hygiene
If these warning signs apply to someone you are working with, get help as soon as possible, especially if the behaviour is new or has increased recently.
Questions to ask
- Are you having thoughts about harming yourself in any way?
- Do you have any plans to harm yourself? If so, do you have the means to carry out the plan? Do you have a time frame to carry out the plan?
- Are you under the care of a mental health crisis team?
- Is your GP aware of how you are currently feeling?
- Have you felt this way before?
- How did you overcome these feelings last time? (If applicable)
- Who else is aware of the way you are feeling?
- What support do you feel is available to you here and at home?
How to listen
- If the person you’re with does share how they’re feeling with you, it is usually better to listen and respond with open questions – rather than giving advice or your opinions.
- The important thing is to let the person know you will support them, without judgment, as far as you are able to.
- Keep in mind that you don’t need to change what they are going through for them.
- If it feels appropriate, you can let the person you’re supporting know that you value them. Using your own words, you could say something like, ‘you’re important to me’.
- The idea is not to make them feel guilty, but to let them know they are not worthless, and that they contribute meaningfully to the lives of others. Avoid expressions that centre around negative consequences of their actions, such as ‘I’ll be so upset if you die’.
- Remember that it’s okay to decide that you are no longer able to assist someone, and to let them know you won’t be contactable for a while.
Next steps
- Encourage the person to talk, but make them aware that you want to care for them, and that by doing that it may involve having to bring in another person.
- Stay with the person until professional assistance arrives (or make sure the person is in a private, secure place with another empathic person, such as someone they trust).
- Invite the person to contact the Samaritans (call 116 123 for free), their GP or a mental health professional. If they agree, give them space and time so that they have someone to talk to immediately. Perhaps check if they would like you to assist them in calling someone from the Samaritans.
- Contact your own line manager, and if you have one, your Employee Assistance Programme, to let them know what is happening.
- Once the person is under the care of a professional, ask them if they would like you to stay with them or not (if you feel comfortable to do so). It is ok if you do not wish to stay with them. Depending on the services you have available in your organisation, follow up with HR, occupational health or an Employee Assistance Programme as appropriate.
Self care
- Self care for yourself is equally important. The impact this can have on yourself once the immediate risk has passed can have an affect, even if we do not recognise it has straight away. It is better to overreact than to later ask yourself whether you could have done more.
- Remember that acting in this situation based on your knowledge and applying some of this guidance is good enough.
Ref: WPW0057 this information was reviewed July 2024.
