Death and bereavement are an inevitable part of life and yet it is a subject that is very rarely talked about. The unpredictability of life means we can never be sure how soon or how often we will face the challenge of this major life event. Losing someone close to us is probably the most significant loss we will ever have to cope with and can have a tremendous impact, affecting us in many ways.
Reactions to loss
Grieving is the natural process of coming to terms with and adjusting to a serious loss. Reactions may vary enormously and there is no right or wrong way to respond and no set time scales. Even when individuals feel they are “over it” they may suffer a setback. This is particularly relevant at times of anniversaries and other significant dates. Grieving is a unique experience, but most people report a similar range of reactions that correspond with a number of recognised stages of grief. Some of the feelings and reactions may include:
- Anger, Loss of identity
- Denial/Disbelief, Longing
- Depression, Lack of confidence
- Fear, Feelings of injustice
- Feeling let down, Guilt
- Hope, Shock
- Helplessness, Despair
In some cases, bereavement practices are greatly influenced by cultural and religious backgrounds. It is important to have an understanding of these and be sensitive to the person’s beliefs. Failure to carry out their ritual may alienate the employee and hinder the grieving process.
Suicide can be among the most difficult losses to bear. They may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt and shame.
The grieving employee
For some people the routine of returning to work is helpful. Being at work can help to re-establish a sense of normality, a sense of structure and focus to days that otherwise may seem endless. On the other hand, for some, returning to work may feel like too big a hurdle to comprehend. The intensity of their experience, a world of pain and uncertainty whilst others remain untouched and carry on with their lives, can leave them feeling disconnected and isolated.
There may be a loss of motivation; many find that their lives and priorities change after the loss of a loved one. Lack of concentration, diminished energy levels and an inability to think clearly and rationally, are all normal symptoms in these circumstances. These symptoms could impact on productivity and accuracy levels and could be enough to prevent someone resuming work for fear of a reprimand.
As well as the emotional pain of the loss, an individual may also experience practical and financial consequences as a result of their bereavement. These could include accommodation issues, childcare and support difficulties, financial pressures and legal issues connected with settling the estate of someone who has died. All of which may impact on their ability to resume work.
They will have good days and bad, there may be times when work will overwhelm them.
What can management do to help?
There is nothing you can do to take away the pain of loss however there are many helpful and supportive actions you can take to show your care and support:
- Send a note of condolence.
- Acknowledge the persons grief – a simple “I am sorry for your loss” will be enough to make them aware that you empathise with their loss. Do not let your own discomfort prevent you from acknowledging their loss.
- Ask the person what they would like their colleagues to be told in relation to the death – could you do this for them? This may be particularly helpful where the death was sudden, traumatic or that of a child. Colleagues may be concerned about what to say, you can help ease their disquiet if you have talked to the bereaved person and are aware of their wishes.
- Whilst the employee remains absent from work, keep in contact with them, when it’s appropriate talk to them about their return to work to try and ease the way. Once back into work continue to offer support and structure by having regular progress checks.
- Where possible and if company policy permits, try and offer some flexibility around their working hours, a change of shift or reduced hours for a period may help. Remember that immediately following the death there will be many practical matters to attend to, together with physical and emotional adjustments, at a time when the person is on an emotional roller coaster, dealing with their grief.
- Be prepared to expect less than their best performance when they initially return to work. Things will improve, and their grief will not debilitate them forever and your patience will help improve their confidence.
- Avoid being judgemental about the way they grieve and the length of time they may need to come to terms with their loss. Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no set timescales. Grieving is unique – offer them the time and understanding that is needed.
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