Miscarriage is the term used when a woman loses a baby any time up to the 24th week of pregnancy. It is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Despite the prevalence of miscarriage, it is an experience that is rarely discussed. Whilst a miscarriage does not usually carry any serious or long-term implications to a woman’s physical health it can have significant emotional impact.
The emotional impact of loss through miscarriage is often underestimated with some observers feeling that the child was not known to the parents and therefore the loss should be less intense. This is not the case. There is also no correlation between the length of the pregnancy and the intensity of grief and the time needed to heal. Loss is uniquely personal and therefore there is no typical time frame for recovery.
The focus of attention is usually on the mother following a miscarriage and partners can often be forgotten about. It’s a common misconception that only mothers are affected by miscarriage.
Going back to work – how managers can help
Returning to work can be challenging for someone who has just experienced a miscarriage. A sensitive and supportive approach by management is likely to help make it easier. The following are a few examples of the types of support you could consider offering:
- Arrange a meeting with the individual prior to returning to discuss and plan their return to work. This could take place over the phone or face to face.
- Acknowledge their loss – it’s ok to tell them that “you don’t know what to say” but don’t ignore the loss because of your own discomfort and feelings of helplessness.
- Check how they want the news of their miscarriage handled – responses from co-workers can sometimes be hurtful or disappointing. What level of disclosure do they want? E.g. do they wish to keep it confidential, or would they like you to inform their colleagues?
- It may be helpful for them to confide in a couple of trusted colleagues.
- As well as the emotional impact they may be experiencing some physical discomfort. Check what support they might need e.g. do they require a rehabilitation plan to ease them back into the workplace, or time off in the future for medical appointments?
Ongoing support in the workplace
Once back at work the individual may feel the need to put on a “brave face” trying to keep such strong and difficult feelings under tight control. This can feel exhausting and distracting, and it’s possible that their health may suffer as a result. Initially the focus is likely to be centred on the loss of the baby and they may be sensitive to those around them who may be pregnant or have young babies. The behaviour and attitude of employers and colleagues may affect how well they cope.
You may wish to consider setting aside some time once the staff member is back at work to sit down together and check out how they are coping. It’s quite possible that what was initially agreed to on their return to work, and something that may change as they adjust to their loss.
Lastly, try and avoid giving advice and offering cliché type expressions such as “everything happens for a reason”, “at least you know you can fall pregnant”, or “you can always try again”. Whilst no doubt kindly intended, these types of phrases can feel hurtful. Hearing an insensitive comment can be hard – but it can be harder when people say nothing at all.
Partners
Often the partner is forgotten about at times such as these, but the loss of a baby affects both partners, not just the mother. Some may require compassionate leave in order to care for their partner and/or to care for their own emotional needs. Partners may try to put on a “brave face” feeling they have to be strong for their partner or believe that talking about their feelings is not the done thing.
If you would like professional medical advice on how best to support an employee who has suffered a miscarriage you may wish to consider referring the employee to your occupational health service. For information on how to access this service you will need to refer to your company HR policy.
Further support
The Miscarriage Association – Support and information on pregnancy loss, including a helpline.
Sands – Support for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby before, during or shortly after birth.
Tommy’s – Provides free up-to-date information for medical professionals and parents-to-be. This includes a dedicated telephone midwife service, a comprehensive website and free books and leaflets
National Childbirth Trust – Things that can help after a pregnancy loss.
The Lullaby Trust – List of bereavement support services.
Acas – Time off work due to stillbirth or miscarriage.
Ref: WPW0043 this information was reviewed May 2024.
